


Working Title: Sexy Car Wash

by Boostergoldsmissingarm



Series: Earth-Boost [10]
Category: Green Lantern - All Media Types
Genre: Can read as standalone, Family Bonding, Pure Nonsense
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-19
Updated: 2018-06-19
Packaged: 2019-05-25 14:48:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,151
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14979446
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Boostergoldsmissingarm/pseuds/Boostergoldsmissingarm
Summary: getting wet and wild with the green lantern corp (feat. batman)





	Working Title: Sexy Car Wash

**Author's Note:**

> I'm back and I'm sorry

The day was hot, but Hal would argue that he was hotter. This was because Hal had a very large ego. In actuality, Hal was less hot than the actual day because all he was wearing was a speedo and a pair of sunglasses. He stood with confidence of a man wearing far more than three square inches of clothing. Unfortunately, none of his fellow Earth lanterns were even standing. He opened his mouth to inspire them, but before he could say anything he was interrupted. 

“Shut the fuck up Jordan,” said Guy from where he was sprawled facedown in the shade. He was wearing slightly more than Hal, with only a pair of swim trunks and a single flip flop. The other flip flop had been thrown at Hal's head and then down a sewer. He might have still been angry, but it was Guy, who could tell. 

“I have never shut up in my life and I don't plan on starting now. Come on guys, liven up,” said Hal. 

“Hal, it's hot, we're miserable, and we're not making any money. I think it's time to quit,” said John, who was also laying in the shade next to Guy. 

“You want to quit? Did we quit when the Guardians turned out to be evil multiple times? Or when the Sinestro Corps attacked multiple times? Or when all the lanterns were killed multiple times? So how are we gonna give up on this sexy car wash?” said Hal. 

“You know I'm always down for a car wash, but this isn't working anymore,” said Simon. Simon was doing better than everyone else because he was sitting up. 

“How much money do we have so far?” asked Kyle from a tree. Kyle had gotten in the tree to retrieve a frisbee and got adopted by a family of squirrels. Any attempt to get him out of the tree was met with a squirrel attack so Kyle resigned himself to stay in the tree, quite possibly for all time.

“I'd ask J-Bird, but she fell asleep somewhere around hour two,” said Simon. Jessica was the designated treasurer. Jessica was also currently had her head in Simon’s lap and was snoring lightly. She was using his “suns out guns out” shirt as a pillow. 

“How did she even fall asleep?” asked John. 

“She has the ability to overcome great fear not great boredom,” snarked Guy. Everyone laughed except Hal, even the squirrel family. 

“If we don't raise enough money Hal could get kicked out of his apartment,” said Kyle. Hal thought that Kyle just wanted an excuse to wear a crop top, but he was glad that someone was on his side. It was rare that anyone was. 

“You mean like last month and the month before and the month before and the month before,” said John. 

“John, how can you be so selfish? We have a duty to our friend to help him no matter how many sexy car washes it takes,” said Kyle. There was a squirrel perched on his head. 

“I'll die if I get kicked out. I can't survive in the wilderness,” Hal added. 

“You'll die no matter what. You died earlier today because you got locked inside your car without the air conditioning on,” said John. He wasn't wrong, but Hal had never been one to listen to facts or reason. 

“It doesn't matter. We're not getting any customers,” said Simon. “There's only so many times you can clean a car shirtless with the water droplets making a constellation of glistening stars across our bodies, the sun shining down on our ripped bodies and I lost my train of thought, sorry.”

“We actually lost money this time,” said Jessica. Despite the fact that she was awake, she made no move to get her head out of Simon’s lap. Simon didn't seem bothered by it. 

“Maybe if Hal hadn't leased a billboard to advertise this we would have actually made a profit,” said John. Admittedly it wasn't his best idea but no one is perfect. “We either need customers or someone with a lot of money 

And that was when Hal had an idea. “I have an idea,” said Hal. 

“Is it a good idea?” asked John. 

“It's Hal's idea,” said Guy. Guy was really killing it with the one liners. But it was the only idea they had (they would've had plenty of other ideas if anyone besides Hal actually cared). 

 

Transition

“We're here to clean your car,” said Hal. 

“Get the fuck out of my cave Jordan,” said Batman. Batman hadn't slept in two days and at that moment Batman had a way of saying Hal's name that would make a lesser man cry, but Hal was only afraid of one thing and it was commitment. “Who let you in here.”

“Alfred. He also gave us sandwiches,” said Someone I haven't decided yet. Simon helpfully displayed his sandwich. Batman glared even harder, which Hal didn't even think was possible. 

“Alfred I'm firing you,” said Batman. Alfred, who was dusting off the giant dinosaur, didn't look impressed. 

“Try it,” said Alfred because with all the shit he had to deal with he was probably hoping for it. Batman turned back to the lanterns. They also didn't look impressed. Batman seemed to be on the verge of an emotional breakdown. 

“I will literally pay you a billion dollars if you leave,” said Batman. 

“Jokes on you, I would have done it for a thousand,” said Hal. 

“Then that's all you're getting,” said Batman. Kyle made a sound that might have been a laugh that he tried to turn into a cough. Guy outright laughed and then abruptly stopped because he would rather show solidarity with Hal than do anything with Batman. “I'll send it to your bank account.”

“I don't have a bank account,” said Hal. 

“How are you still alive?” said Batman. He reached into his bat utility belt and took out his bat wallet and took out a thousand non-bat dollars and handed it to Hal. He stared at them. They stared back. Jessica shifted awkwardly from foot to foot. Guy threw his other flip flop at the Batmobile. 

“So do you want us to-” 

“Get the fuck out,” said Batman. 

As they flew out of the cage Hal realized something important: he was starving. 

“Do you guys want McDonald's? My treat,” said Hal. Everyone agreed except Guy, who disagreed on principle. 

And when they got to McDonald's no one mentioned that Hal was fucking a billionaire and Ollie could pay his rent at anytime and instead they roasted the fuck out of Hal for losing a billion dollars and Guy for losing his shoes and then each other when they got kicked out for nudity because the car washes and car wash adjacent adventures were a fun time for the whole family, no matter how messy they got.


End file.
